


Ｏｏｐｓ™

by drowninginchamomiletea



Series: Kannao shorts [3]
Category: Persona 4
Genre: "BUT I ACTUALLY THINK IT TURNED OUT OKAY AND I WANNA POST IT", AND I WAS LIKE "WELL FUCK I CAN'T VERY WELL PUT THIS IN RMT", AND THEN IT JUST SPIRALLED INTO THIS, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I JUST STARTED WRITING WITH MEAN VOICES IN NOOT'S HEAD, I just put the relationship tag on there cause there's some good hurt/comfort action, I'm All About That Hand Holding Ha Ha Ha, I'm sorry for this, Implied Bullying, Implied Self-Harm, Kinda, PANIC ATTACK NAOTO YAAAAY, Panic Attack, T-SLUR, THIS IS WHAT I WAS WRITING INSTEAD OF CH 10 OF RMT IN THE LAST COUPLE DAYS, There's no real shippy stuff, and also, hand-holding, ho boy, so here ya go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 03:36:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11683203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drowninginchamomiletea/pseuds/drowninginchamomiletea
Summary: Naoto has a panic attack.TW for implied self-harm, implied LGBTQ+-phobic bullying, panic attacks, a little tiny bit of blood, yeah you get it.Basically, TW if you're Naoto.





	Ｏｏｐｓ™

**Author's Note:**

> Just. Look at the tags for my explanation. That's all I have to say for this. I'm outtie.

_"Shouldn't you be in school?"_

Her eyes slammed shut against the pressing voices.

_"Get outta our hair, kid. We got this."_

Her hands flew to her hair.

_"We're only toleratin' you 'cause Detective Dojima's makin' us, but if it weren' for him..."_

Her fingers began to curl up against her head.

_"Christ, get the kid off the crime scene! Whaddaya think this is, bring yer son ta work day!?"_

She felt her nails break the skin of her scalp, tiny beads of blood forming and flooding the underside of each nail.

_"If you weren't such a stuck-up little brat, then maybe we'd all take a little more kindly to working with you!"_

She felt the boiling tears forcing their way out of her eyes.

_"Naoto-kun! Naoto-kun, calm down! You're alright, it's okay! Get back to work, everyone! Naoto-kun, come on, let's get you to the nurse's office...!"_

Her body acted on its own, curling in on itself.

_"Stop being such a little wuss! I thought you were supposed to be a professional!"_

_"This ain't a game of pretend, son. We're not just playing detectives here. You gotta get that through your head."_

She whimpered. The sound slipped through her lips of its own volition.

_"Nao-kun! Nao-kun, le's play cops an' robbers! You're a real good cop, Nao-kun!"_

She tried to steady her breathing.

_"Sorry, Naoto-san. We decided it's not fair playing with you. You're too good."_

She failed to steady her breathing.

_"What the fuck even are you!? What're you getting at, you fucking trannie creep?!"_

_"Get away from me! God, what a fucking loser. Always alone... You're so creepy!"_

_"What the hell is your problem!? Jesus christ, you act like you've got a stick up your ass! Take a fucking chill pill, why don't you!"_

She cried out, her body trying desperately to find some release, some way of venting the enormous pressure that had built up within.

_The small tween girl hissed. The feeling was strange and scary, but wonderful at the same time. There was a savage sort of satisfaction in the pain. She didn't pause to watch the blood bead up before slashing three more times._

She screamed. In misery? Fear? Frustration? She didn't know. She just knew that she hurt, worse than she'd ever hurt before.

_"Naoto! Naoto! Wake up, dammit! Stay with me!"_

She couldn't see. Hear. Feel. Or at least. She thought she couldn't. Could she? She didn't know.

_"Hey, hey, hey!! Keep it together, man!"_

She was shaking, shaking violently and whimpering what might have been words or maybe just sounds of misery.

 _No, no, no, no, I can't keep up, it's all so much and loud and it's spinning so fast and pressing down and all my bones will break from the pressure before I can do anything about it and I know everything they've ever said about me is true and I can't do it I can't do it I can't meet my own or anyone's expectations I'm just a failure a failed weak little girl tossed away to rot in the dark alleys of the Shirogane name make it stop make it stop make them stop please please please just make it end just let me die now it would make everything so much easier and why do I ever even try I can't I can't I can't I just can't so many people want so much from me and if I can't do it they'll just leave me like all the others please please don't go don't go pelase don't leave me alone I can't stand to be alone with this I don't want to be alone with this don't leave me here PLEASE don't leave me I can't take all this alone just stop it stop it stop stop stop stop make it stop pleASE JUST_ MAKE IT STOP!!!"

"It's okay, 'sokay, 'sokay, I'm here, I don' care whatcha can 'r can't do, 'sokay, I'm not goin', I'm stayin' here with ya, you're okay, 'sokay."

"Don't go, don't go, don't go, please, please, please, nonononono, don't leave me alone again!! Don't leave me alone again...!"

"I'm not goin' anywhere!! Fuck that! I've gotcha, er... 'Sokay."

She was warm. Wrapped in something soft. She shuddered and hiccuped, then transitioned into full-on bawling into the cloth that surrounded her. She hated this. This weakness. She hated how hard it had always been to cope with panic attacks at school. She hated herself.

✻✻✻

Kanji was at an absolute loss for what to do. The most in-control, levelheaded person he knew was sobbing hysterically into his jacket and his words just didn't seem to be getting through to her.

"Naoto..."

She hiccupped, her whole body jumping with the sound.

"I'm s-so s-sorry I j-just don't know what t-to d-do and I hate it w-when this happens c-cause I c-can't do an-nything about it and it's so scary losing control I'm s-so sorry I c-cant calm down it's h-horrible and I'm h-horrible I can't b-believe this still happens at s-school I'm so s-s-sorry..." She kept mumbling on and on in a similar vein.

Kanji grabbed her wrists and forced her to open up her posture, a trick his mother had often used on him when he was small. It seemed to work, as the detective's eyes suddenly widened and her mouth snapped shut. She pulled her hands from his grip and hugged herself tightly.

✻✻✻

Naoto was mortified. Not only had she managed to allow a simple schoolyard bully to goad her into a panic attack, but she hadn't even made it to the bathroom before losing the ability to move. She'd probably been found curled up in some corner of the hall, frozen and crying. By, of all people, Tatsumi Kanji. She supposed she was at least lucky it hadn't been by the bullies. She shuddered to think of the last time that had happened. She could almost still feel the bruises.

"Naoto."

She couldn't look up at his face. She felt too ashamed.

"Naoto, jus' say somethin' so I know yer okay."

She nodded stiffly.

"I am... In acceptable condition."

"M'kay."

He hesitated.

"Y'wanna tell me wha that was about?"

"...no."

"Er..." He paused again. "Lemme rephrase that. Wha' was that about?"

She shook her head.

"I... My apologies. I refuse to speak on this point." She didn't really sound that apologetic.

He huffed frustratedly.

"Y' _tryin_ ' ta get me to call Rise?"

Naoto fell quiet. Then, finally,

"...very well."

She straightened up and, without realizing it, pulled his jacket more tightly around her.

"I was diagnosed with a panic disorder in my sixth year of primary school," she said, with as much dignity as she could muster. "It was one of my main reasons for leaving, as a matter of fact. It is triggered by... Old insecurities."

"'Kay. You... You sure yer okay?"

"Yes."

"This..."

"Yes. It has happened before."

"An' you...""

"I can usually cope on my own. But I didn't make it to the restroom this time."

"The...?"

"I usually seek the solitude and privacy of the nearest restroom when a panic attack strikes."

"Oh. Tha's why ya..."

"I assume I was found near a restroom?"

"...yeah."

"By...?"

"Me."

"When?"

"End a lunch."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"..."

"Er..."

"Yes?"

"Why'd ya...?"

"...I'd prefer not to discuss it."

"A'righ'."

"..."

"..."

"...why do you wish to know?"

"Dunno. Just wanted ta see if I could help."

"Oh. Well... No."

"'Kay."

"..."

"..."

"...thank you for asking, though. And for... For helping." She blinked and looked down at the large jacket around her, then up at him. "Is this your...?"

"Yeah."

"Why...?"

"Dunno. Ya looked freaked out, like you needed somethin' ta hold onto."

"Oh. Well. You weren't wrong. I suppose."

"'M glad."

"It is... Very warm."

"Y-yeah. Ma says I run a bit on the warm side."

"In... Indeed."

There was a pause. Then, both spoke at once.

"You needn't miss class for my sake."

"If you wanna go home, I c'n walk you..."

They both blinked, looked at each other, then simultaneously blushed and looked away.

"Truly, you needn't..."

"No, I... I wanna help."

"O-okay. Yes, I would appreciate accompaniment on the walk home."

"'Kay. Let's, uh... Get goin'. Where'd you leave your stuff?"

Naoto looked determinedly at the white linoleum floor. She tried to speak, but found herself unable to. She couldn't push the air out to form the words she needed. _In the front gardens of the school_ _,_ she thought insistently. _On the bench where I sat before—!_ A small gasp involuntarily escaped her, and she pulled Kanji's jacket more tightly around her. Her mouth opened and closed, but she just—couldn't—get—the words— _out—!!_

"Y-y'okay?"

She tried, she really tried, but she just couldn't get any words out. So she just shut her mouth and huddled back up where she sat.

"Naoto?"

Once again, the boy was forced to take hold of her wrists and pry her open to talk to him. She felt able to breathe again, albeit rapidly and anxiously.

"Naoto. Where. Did. You. Leave. Your. Stuff."

"B-bench," she eventually eaked out. "Out front."

He began to pull his hands away, but Naoto, running on instinct, firmly latched onto his wrists. Kanji looked, wide-eyed and pink-faced, from their hands to Naoto's face and back again. 

"Uh. Naoto. Y-you. I gotta go get yer stuff."

She shook her head vehemently. 

"Don-don't go."

"Erm..."

"I-I can. Go with." She could barely force out fragments of a complete sentence. But, she supposed, just like with texting, as long as her meaning got across, it shouldn't matter.

"Arigh'... Uh. You still gotta leggo of-of at leas' one hand."

"I-I. Sorry." With considerable effort, she successfully willed her right hand to open up and free his left wrist. 

They both stood, and Naoto stumbled after Kanji as he stepped out. 

They walked slowly in silence for a bit. Then, as they passed through the entranceway, Kanji spoke up. 

"Are you su—"

"N-no. I c-can't talk. About it. I'm sorry."

"'Kay."

"Th-thank you... For understanding." Breathing was slowly becoming easier again. 

"'Course."


End file.
